Lindsay Lohan

The Scoreboard admits to stalling several weeks on this one, having scolded Jay Leno for taking cheap shots at a young woman clearly in personal and professional crisis, but fair is fair. When it comes to absurdly transparent lies that absolutely nobody is likely to believe, Lohan's explanation of how cocaine was found on her person during her arrest for DUI last month may never be equaled, and the Scoreboard would be letting its sympathy function as bias to let this howler pass without proper notice.

Ms. Lohan's explanation, for those of you who do not regularly check in with the E! cable network, US Magazine or the TMZ website (which is to say, for those of you who make good use of your time), was that the cocaine wasn't hers, because she was wearing someone else's pants. This might be slightly less ridiculous if Lohan was a stranger to illegal substance abuse, but that is clearly not the case. According to press accounts, coke was also found on her in the actress's previous DUI arrest, and she can be seen on a popular YouTube clip using the drug. Lohan also has claimed, with only slightly more plausibility, that she wasn't the one driving her car. She has yet to claim that she appeared tipsy at the scene because someone else was using her body, and maybe she won't, if, as we all hope, her current rehab stay persuades her to take responsibility for her own actions and get control of her rapidly deteriorating life. In the absence of a "it wasn't really me in my body" claim, "they weren't my pants" has to take the prize as the top lie in this and just about any other month.

That's all the Scoreboard has to say on the matter. Get well quick, Lindsay.

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